Family as of right now means so much to me
it may not seem that way but it does
i love my mom and eveything and i dnt want to hurt them.
i just dont know how to make things right between us
&& especially my dad
i have no idea how imma deal with him.
i reallllyy more than anything 'more then the breath i take wish things were good between us
or at least all right
i have no idea how to get through this
i know God will deliver
i know my God wont let me down
I know that God as a plan for me
Sometimes i think im qoing through this for a reason
but i dont know why
but ehat i DO know is that theres a purpose & a blessinq behind this
&& all i have to do is be patient and pray



i honestly cant say that i noe how we got here.
it seems like everything was going great
then everything started crashing & burning
somehow u made it seem like its my fault.
i try i really do and you cant see that though
i dont nkoe how i let myself love you for that longg
i dont noe why it took me soo long to realize i need to move on
i wish things will go back to the way they were
but hey who am i foolin, im only Andie
im tearing up inside and i cant help it
i cnt belive i trusted Rogeline
i was such a fool, the only time i tell him somthing
he goes and tell him. WHY?
goes to show how much he can be trusted
i dont care he can tell him.
he can tell him everything.
he can tell him how much i love him
how much i cnt stop thinking bout him
how much he makes me cry everyday
that i cant be with him
how much i wanna be with him
how much it hurts being next to him
how awkard he makes me feel when were next to each other
how much he makes me melt when i look in his eyes
and how much i NEED him
but fhuck iht
im through.
if somthing was meant to happen
it would of happend already
ive been hurt sooo many time by every guy i feel for
but w.e thats what i get for having my heart on my sleeve
nothings ganna change
i noe years from now imma think about this and be like 
damm how did i let myslef get to this point?
it was never meant to be this way
not now not ever
i dnt noe what to do anymore
seems like all i can do is cry myself to sleep
and only me, God and my pillow will ever noe





(no subject)
love-4.jpg love image by AshleyBby_69
Im tearing apart lil by lil inside.
i want to be able to call someone baby
i wanna be called baby
i wanna be the one who has someone to lean into
sure i have many choices to choose from but i dont want any of them
i want you, i nkow you want me too but i dont want to keep playing games
i wanna nkow if you just wanna be friends or more,
i nkow you wanna be more but we both nkow your afraid of comitting to me
let alone being faithful
as mush as it will kill me for you to say that we should be friends, i think that i rather be friends
then for us to be together but not really together or for us to be together and break up.
my heart cant take the pain that i face eveyday
i wanna be soo close to you to love and adore you.
somtimes you push me away that u dont even noe it
i noe for a fact i will never stop liking you.
i noe u spent a whole block of asking me out but i denyed you over & over again
but baby please all i need is one more "will you be my girl"
those words just makes me melt, i noe that i will get my heart broken if i go out
with you but thats the thing i DONT care anymore.
if i have you then it just wont matter to me.
cant you see how much i really love you baby im feeninq for you
&& baby its not just a physicl atraction between me and you 
its much more then that, i just love evrything about you
your eyes your lips your body your smile your touch
your personality. the way you walk the way you talk EVERYTHINg babe 
your smart, funny, athletic and OH SO FINE <3
babe i love you, cant you see?

I love you
117903-601-1098586637-pinky_promise.jpg niggah d. image by treez_08_picks
I cant beleive i love you this much
I know you would say i dont nkow what love is
but i think i found it.
Everytime im with you i smile 
& i dont even notice it untill my cheecks hurts
&&you do it when i dont even want to.
You make me soo happy without even trying
I feel myself & relaxed around you
this is somthing i cant even explain
&& were not even together
Cant believe after all that happens im still here
loving and wanting you
Wow babe, your eveything i want, adore and cherish
your all i think about 
I wish you could just ask me one more time
thats all i need.
that all i want.
and im sure my anserw will be yes.
i promise


Why is it...

Why is that everyone wanna hold her breast
wanna hold her butt
wanna hold her back
wanna hold her thy
but yet you dont wanna hold her hand?

Why is it that she wants to go places
do this and do that
leave her past in the behind
but yet fears her future?

Why is it that she first learned how to please others
rather then herself?

Why is it that when she acts herself
she is not loved
but yet when she acts like some who she is not
she has more lovers then haters?

Why is it that you use her
manupilate her
mistreat her
taunt her
cheat on her
lie to her
but you can still manage to say
i love you?

Why does she feel so alone
when she is surrounded by people she loves?

Why is it that the only time she feel peace
is when she is in the
darkness of her troubles
the lonelyness of her heart
the worries of her past?

I nkow why
its because she doesnt nkow what love is
doesnt nkow whats its like to be held for the very 1st time
doesnt nkow what she deserved from what seems right
Doesnt nkow how to let go of her past and look forward

Heres to the girls
             thsewnheart.jpg broken heart image by kendwabby16                                                                           

Heres to all the girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call only to check the caller ID the next
morning & be disappointed.

The ones who made it through that bitter break up, and dried up there own tears, & moved on with there lifes, only to have him walk back in it a few months later like [[nothing ever happend]].

Heres to those of youu who cried  on the first day that youu talked again because youu knew exactly where this was all going.

Heres to the ones who listened to him say, i only want to be your friend, one day, & the next, listen to him say how much  he loves you & misses youu.

We deserve something
[[& this is our tribute. ]]

Heres to the ones that took him back,  just hoping that maybe this time he would be different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listen to our friends tell us that were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, & even snuck arround to see him for a while.

We went through the great stage with no fights all over again.

We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again.

We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time.

& when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming.  [[this is for US]].

Heres to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days.

Heres for the tears cried & dried all over again.

We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early.

We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us.
We learned to settle for someone who didn..t treat us the way we should be treated.

Heres for the ones who did their hair & make up & put on their prettiest  outfit, only to hear him say that he couldnt see us today.

Heres to the ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else.
We just couldnt believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldnt bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if".

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation.

The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. when he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it.

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

Heres for the time that he broke your heart again. this is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.

Heres for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. stay strong, & remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes its better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt.

Remember the times youu cried, & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. when he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door.

Think of the broken promises, & the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments & staying up all night wondering where the hell he was.

Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, & realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to
One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make youu cry.

You may think that you will never care about someone like youu did, that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. its gonna hurt like hell, and its going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again this is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."

Heres to the girls who couldnt cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.

The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again.

Heres to the ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us.

We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Heres for the girls the ones that finally realized that he never gave a shit about them.

I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd i survive when i can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees
But thats the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think i'm invisible
I see though the me i used to be
Since i've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like i've had it all along
And i can see tomorrow
Where is problem is gone because
I flew everywhere but love inside of me
Its unbelievable to see how love can set me free
You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did it to me
Super human, heart beating me
nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

(no subject)

                        clock.jpg image by hollywood_princess_01
My past is something that has control over me then anything else in my life does after God.
Ive seem to create this virtual world that i live in. I can't seem to be in reality. As much as i want to be happy i can't. I wish i was able to run away and never be found. The sad part is that my past isn't very pleasent at all. My past is full of pain and sorrow. Even happiest moments in my life from the past have me in tears. Only because ive come to realize they are no longer here nor can i ever have them back. But somehow i got to look past it all. Past all the pain, sorrow, heartbreak, mistakes and through the tears. I wish i can make it all go away. Buh how? GOD. Thats my anserw. I can never change the past that has already happened but i can make my soon-to-be past better by changing my future. But before i can do that i have to find myslef and live in the present. I want to be able to show people what its like to be me. They dont see ME. The REAL me. Andie me. Im preety good at keeping things inside of me. Bu how long can i do that. Im not the type who ussually shows my emotions or let people nkow what im really feeling. Im the type of person whos good who keeps things in and bottle-up. One day people would feel my pain. Untill then ive got to live my life with one thing im mind;my future. I have no idea where my life is headed but im Done looking in the rearview mirror of my life

quote-dontletthesadnessofyourpastan.gif dont let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present image by courtneylawhorn09


James F
cross lips

You are everything a girl can ask for -[no lie]
 your smart, sexy, athletic, funny, outgoing and so much more
I wouldnt give you up for anything you are almost my rock
But i know no ones perfect, just like everyone else you have your flaws
I know if i give you another chance it wouldnt be for the better
It would probably be for the reason that you just want the rights to kiss me w/out problems

But i hope im wrong on soooo many levels
I wanna be given the chance to love you again like i once did
I wanna be called your and you be mine like i feel it should be
I wanna give you the chance but i dont want all the hurt that comes with it
I want the trust, the communications the love the passion the sparks
I mostly want the i-will-never-hurt-you-or-take-advantage-of-you kinda thing
You have no idea how i want you but baby i dont want to hurt you
You are what i want and feel i need and deserve...but do i deserve the pain?
But baby i love you and thats all that matters i wish you felt stronger then i do
I feel that we still have a connection But how can we go back together after ive been hurt
I need to be by myself and do whats right for me
I need to be happy before i can make anyone else happy
But baby you mean so much to me



Judge me
cross lips

judgeme.jpg Judge Me image by ireland_tear
Why do people feel like they can judge me?
Do they have any idea what ive been trough?
Have any idea what they put me through?
What they see is not me
The real me is confident and believes in herself
The real me is mostly nice and love joking around
Now if you ask me who i am i wont know
Ive lost myself long ago in my past and cant be found
No mater how hard i try cant seem to come back to reality
judging me ont make you any better but worse.
i wish you could feel my pain
my sorrow
then maybe you will think twice about judge me
it not so much for the judging part but the lack or respect
i feel that i KNOW i deserve.
So you BEST believe im not going to let you walk all over me
its time to gather myself up and let you judge and live my life
Regardless of what you say


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